This post is condensed from advice a male dating coach for women gave to one of his clients. The coach posted this advice on his blog years ago (EvanMarcKatz.com), but it's as relevant today as ever...
Dating is not a scientific process, but most women want to measure results the way they measure (or measured) results at school or work. If you’ve been dating only a couple of months and are not getting the results you want, it pays to step back and get a new paradigm – a new way of looking at your problem.
If you're going to date online and think that you're going to find true love in your first thirty-day trial, maybe you should think again. It could take going out with 15 or 20 guys, just to get warmed up! But you have to keep your hopes up. If you’re saying “why bother,” stop.
Here’s why:
Consider how many times in your life you’ve been in love… Two times? Three times? So, don’t freak out that it hasn’t happened after three months of tying this year, just because you finally decided you want to settle down!
Yes, you could have recently met guys you lived and died for… as in 7 messages from guys in your inbox in one week, which left you flying high as a kite. Then the next week, you’ve cycled through them all and you’re down in the dumps.
But this is how online dating goes. Men will come, men will go. Most of them will be disappointing. Some will get your hopes up and a few will show consistency and want to be exclusive with you.
Love is rare, and that’s what makes it special. The possibility of finding the love of our dreams is what keeps you going. So, coming to the conclusion after a few frustrating dates that you should give up entirely is self-defeating – false. Keep up looking because you never, ever know what's in store for you. Love could be just around the corner – with your very next date!
Also, consider these points below:
Your dream partner could be going through a divorce right now. Or he just signed onto your dating platform for the first time. Or he may be focused on his work and will be ready to date in the next couple of months.
You don’t have any idea. So you go on, keeping your hopes high. You bother because going on dates with strangers is the only way you’re going to find The One. Your chances of finding The One drop to zero the moment you stop “bothering to go on dates.”
So, the takeaway here is you should stop measuring results the way you measure results at school or work. Because, look at it this way… ultimately, you want a husband and a family, but that's a process that you just started undertaking, as in 2, 3 months, maybe even a bit longer.
Now, in spite of your frustrations and letdowns, look what you may have gained (or could gain) during this period:
- You rebranded yourself online
- You got a tremendous amount of attention
- You fell for a really amazing guy…who turned out to have some really serious issues
- You figured out how to play it cool with men
- You also figured out how to let men choose you
- You learned how to assess the difference between wants and needs
- You learned how to flirt successfully
- You learned how to weed out the players from the keepers
- You learned how to be a great first date and give a great first impression
- You learned how to bounce back from rejection
- You learned how to persevere when the going gets tough.
That’s over ten cool things you know now that you didn’t know 2, 3 months ago perhaps!
So now you choose: do you focus on how some guy flaked out on you at the last minute, or do you focus on how well-prepared you’re going to be to let love into your life?
Which of these two options above do you think is the healthier way of looking at this whole dating thing?
Start by answering the question: What's success to me?
By going out on many dates, even if they don’t work out, you’re challenging yourself, stretching and growing into a woman who will be even more desirable to the right man – an amazing guy who appreciates all of your gifts. And that could happen sooner rather than later. That's why you go on bothering.
For the successful woman, this is even tougher. Because, how do you keep on going when you're successful at everything else in life, but every romantic partner you touch turns to crap?
When you’ve gone on three bad dates in the past week with no promising leads on the horizon, you start getting negative thoughts. Why bother with dating at all?
If you like metaphors, logic, and analogies, here is one that will give you a healthier perspective.
Because you’re a catch, 90% of the guys you’re going to meet are going to fall short of your standards. This means, logically, that you might have to go on 9 mediocre dates out of 10 until you find that one guy you’re excited about.
If you didn't have such high standards, you’d maybe get satisfied by the cute, boring guys you just passed up. But because of your high standards, only 10% of the men you are looking at will be eligible.
This isn’t something you should be angry over. It only means you have a smaller dating pool – which means it’s going to take you longer on the dating scene than it takes other women.
If you want to take it further, of the 10% of guys who pass your bar, half of them will not be into you, and half of them will be into you. This means just 1 out 20 eligible guys for you! But that's dating for you if you’re smart, strong and successful, or exceptionally sexy or good-looking.
Those two categories always have it tough finding Mr. Right.
You may want to read these posts:
Why Smart Successful Women Have A Hard Time Finding Mr. Right
Why Exceptionally Good-Looking Women Have The Hardest Time Finding Mr. Right
Little-Known Secrets How To Find Mr. Right
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