Reason #3 Why Very Attractive Women Have The Hardest Time Getting Mr. Right
Remember where we said that the very attractive woman had a past as a very pretty young girl? One of the things that can go wrong with that sort of privileged existence is that you get addicted to being the center of attention.
One of the bad signals, the worst in fact that you could be sending the men you are dating, and which is a major turn off, is seeking the attention of other men, to validate your attraction. You could be doing this inadvertently…
A man walks into the café while you’re with the prospective Mr. Right and you start that thing women do that other women can see through as clear as day, but which escapes men for the most part – sending “come-on signals.”
In the book, “Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps, the authors make this revelation that;
“[A woman can make come-on signals that most men, for the most part, can’t interpret, but which are very clear to other women; signals like] tilting her pelvis at a man, pointing her foot his way, flicking her hair, stroking her thigh, massaging her earlobes, giving him longer than usual glances, stroking the stem of her wine glass and talking like a schoolgirl.”
But if you’ve been doing even just one of these things whenever another man enters, not once but four, five times since you and prospective Mr. Right sat in the café, the man sitting beside or opposite you may sense something odd going on. Men too have vestiges of an intuition, you know!
The solution to this, and related problems such as you’ve got a serious emotional issue that’s plainly apparent, or maybe you’re talking about marriage right off the bat, is to ask your girlfriends their honest opinion regarding what they think the problem is when it comes to your dating. It may be you are doing something you are completely unaware of, but which they can clearly see.
If among the men you dated there is one you feel was quite frank and might tell you the truth, he can be a good source of feedback. You need this feedback to understand what you're doing wrong that is de-attracting the men.
To continue... The other bad signals a man may be getting is that you’re unavailable – from how aloof and standoffish and defensive you carry yourself. As we saw, a very attractive woman will be looking to defend herself from being abused or exploited. But that shouldn’t mean you erect an impregnable fortress around yourself – a Berlin Wall.
Use the template below when contacting the men for feedback. If there is some way you can send this message handwritten, do that: it's more powerful that way. But if not, call the guy and use this script, or send an email.
"Hi, [His name]:
This is [Your Name]. I want a little help from you, a favor. Regarding our date at [remind him where you met], I enjoyed your company. The date went really well, for me at least. But I get the impression now that you weren't as thrilled as I was! I'm not blaming you; I likely didn't meet your expectations, or sent the wrong signals.
The reason I'm asking for your help is that I want to improve myself, for the next time, so I need your feedback, the cold hard truth. I can take it, don't worry.
Tell me what you didn't like about our date, and what you didn't like about me as a person, or about my attitude, what bad signals you may have read. I can assure you I never intended to make you feel that I never wanted to meet you again.
Be as blunt as you want; I won't be offended. I fact I'll appreciate your candour.
Thanks for your time,
[Your Name]
Don't be surprised if the man asks to date you again after you send this message because it could very well happen!
Eda’s Advice To Pretty Women Who Are Finding It Hard To Get Mr. Right
Here’s Eda’s advice to Ashley. She gives tips and strategies that can remove the men’s instant objections and pave the way for the relationship to last a few more dates at the least. If you take action on Eda’s advice you will be able to make your date soar like an eagle in that first date and come away wowed and wanting to know more about the person you are – and your proposal, and what’s in it for him (if he's the real deal) :
“Based on your post, I get the impression that you may be a little reserved. If that’s the case, what you think [that you are] open and inviting may not be interpreted that way by the men you are dating. Although you may feel that laughing and smiling and having a good time is a clear signal to a guy that you are open to seeing him again, it may not be so obvious to him. Seems crazy, I know, but it’s true.
“So, if you really are having a good time with a man and you want to go out with him again, you may want to send louder, clearer signals. I am going to suggest a few simple things that you might try.
“First, make certain that you really pay attention and really listen to what he is saying and ask follow up questions that indicate you are genuinely interested in him. Get him to talk about the things he loves; his passions; not just his job. Don’t make him feel like you are interviewing him – you aren’t.
“You are just trying to get to know him. Make certain that you are looking him in the eye when you talk – don’t let your eyes wander all around. Make him feel like the center of your attention.
“This next can be a hard habit to break if you do it – don’t cross your arms when you are with a guy that you like. It makes him feel that you are closed off and not interested. Lean in to listen when he talks to you. It might be the subtle things that put distance between you two that may make him feel you aren’t interested.
“Make up reasons to touch him – in a fun, playful and clean manner. Ask him to thumb wrestle or tell him you want to read his palm. Voluntarily touching a man is definitely a signal that you are interested!
“Offer to pay your share. Be gracious if he wants to pay for you. Finally, at the end of the date, just be bold and tell him you had a good time and would enjoy seeing him again.
“Doing any or all of those things will be no guarantee that the guy will want to see you again if he’s ‘not into you.’ However, you can at least be certain that he knows that you were interested in him!
“Also, as another poster suggested, it can be really illuminating to ask a guy what he thought about you on a date. I’ve done this myself and a number of the guys told me they just didn’t think I was interested in them. Like you, I laughed and smiled and had a good time so I was actually shocked that they felt I wasn’t interested.
“That’s how I know from personal experience that laughing and smiling and having a good time are not enough of a signal for some men. Given that you are so attractive, a guy may need even more reassurance that you like him. So, just help him out a little more!
Good luck!
To reinforce the above, here are more suggestions:
“It’s not at all bad to flirt appropriately. Touching him (shoulder, arm, knee) a few times on the date is a great, easy and appropriate way to convey interest. And yes, tell the guy that you think he’s cute and smart and you’d like to see him again. Guys love having their ego stroked.
“Don’t let him do all the work on the date. Pull your weight, be interested in him! As to the issue of settling down….that is a big problem if you ask me unless you are dating guys in their 30s/40s. Guys in there 20s generally don’t want to settle down….even with a 10. So, modify your game plan if you’re husband-hunting in the late 20 something age group or you will wind up routinely disappointed.
The other point is that most men welcome paying more attention to them. You do this by asking them for their opinion.
In closing,
There is something about finding a kindred spirit that is life affirming, complex and interesting. Unfortunately getting there may require a lot of patience on your part. While you’re at it, find your weaknesses and fix yourself in the broken places. Fix the fault lines in your personality. A lot of very attractive women have insecurities. Now we know why.
If you have areas in your life where you are weak, broken, or troubled, take action to fix that. Maybe you have parts of your life that cause you pain and distress. Seek to fix that.
But, having said this, don’t sweat your weaknesses too much. Tim Ferriss, in Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines And Habits Of Billionaires, Icons And World-Class Performers has an alternative perspective.
“Humans are imperfect creatures,” he writes. “You don’t ‘succeed’ because you have no weaknesses; you succeed because you find your unique strengths and focus on developing habits around them. Amplify your strengths rather than fix your weaknesses… I’d disagree on fixing weaknesses as a primary investment (or life) strategy. All of my biggest wins have come from leveraging strengths instead of fixing weaknesses.” ~ Tim Ferriss
If you want to list your weaknesses though, how do you find these fault lines and traits you have that others find negative? We gave some insights and a plan of action in “Why Successful Women Have A Hard Time Getting Mr. Right.”
When you choose to make those weak areas strong – to repair the broken parts of your life and yourself – you create new strengths, platforms from which you can rise to even greater heights. This gives you the wisdom and intuition to judiciously wield the immense power you have over men, to be good to the men you date. When that happens, you will have no trouble at all landing Mr. Right and becoming the “dreamboat love” for this lucky fella.
It gets better... You will become your man's success muse, his inspiration to achieve greater success. You become his kick-ass "goal buddy", as we' ve shown you how to do in this post. Of course this means you have to kick his ass sometimes. But that's where the fun is, if you're going to live together for thirty, fifty years from now!
(Parts of this report are condensed from content that was first published on www.EvanMarcKatz.com Evan Katz is a personal trainer who helps women who want to find love.)
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