She’s seriously craving his attention in a long-distance relationship and it’s driving her crazy (she’s thinking of seeing other men)
She dated a used-to-be-player guy (didn’t know this at first), they’re as good as engaged (he told his mom she’s “The One”) but then the relationship went long-distance (he had to be away on business for extended periods) and now she has doubts (she’s even talking of “un-loving” the guy!)
Is this a lack of patience, or what? Here’s what she wrote…
“I studied men and seldom think like a man and act like a lady but I think I just met my match and I didn’t even see it coming. I met this guy through a mutual friend who contacted me on FB. It was a genuine meeting.
“We talked for 8hrs and I had to call off from work the next day. There was great chemistry and we were fond of each other. i was skeptical cos’ its long distance but he was chasing me so hard that I thought ok I’ll give it a try. He started saying ‘He loved me from the first week’
“Thought he was moving too fast but went with the flow since this is what I’ve been wishing for all last yr. We talked for a month and he flew me over and we had sex the next day. Nothing changed.
“As a matter of fact we didn’t have to discuss our relationship status cos’ he started calling me his wifey and told his friends I’m his girlfriend. Told me and his mother who he is close to that I’m the one and he’s marrying me. Well after a while Im losing my mind. I’m in love.
“Can’t stop thinking about him. Want him to call me everyday but he wasn’t doing it. Happens to be a very busy guy. After giving so much thought and talking to him about communication gap he tells me “He doesn’t want to lose me. He is 37 and he has not accomplished everything he wants at that age and begged me to be patient that everything he is doing is for OUR FUTURE”
“Well back in those days if a guy wasn’t giving me all the attention, I tend to circular date and talk and flirt with other guys. I don’t know why I can’t do this with him. He is so nice and sincere. I heard from a friend he is getting ready to propose to me soon and his mom loves me. This is what I want but I question if I can be happy.
“My way of dealing with emotionally unavailable men is dating other guys even if there is no sex, it takes my mind away from being so needy for his attention. However because of how much i have fallen for him and respect my commitment, I can’t do this. What do I do? He is a keeper, don’t want to lose him and don’t want to play games.
“Just don’t understand how he chased me so hard and I was in control to how I am now the one craving the attention. I want to fall un-in love (if that’s a word) cos’ I hate how it feels now. I want to harden my heart. When I do this he notices the change in attitude and ask ‘why I’m talking like someone that doesn’t love him’.
“He just doesn’t get it does he.
“I’m in love and yearning for equal attention and want to step being vulnerable by walking away and de-attaching myself emotionally but he is not helping. If he can’t help me from feeling this way, then I seriously need to help myself. It hurts so bad cos’ I thought the same way he was chasing me was the same way he will be once I gave my heart to him. Damn LOVE could be ugly sometimes.
“Posted on this link because of the player issue. Well I forgot to add that while my boyfriend appeared to be soft cos’ of the chase in the earlier stage after a while from his fb page and other things, its clear to me that I’m dating a changed used to be player guy. He definitely has game and a lasie men.
“He is a busy business man that travels and swears up and down he is not doing anything out there. All I want is for him to be more romantic and call me more often but he cant do that. SO it leaves negative thoughts to come to mind even though I trust him. I believe people change and he loves me and wants to really marry me.
“He doesn’t hide that he had had his share of women in his past time so I appreciate his openness and honesty. My friends tells me the communication gap is as a result of him not used to dealing with emotions while he was a player and it would take time before he gets around to treating me the way I want to feel.
“I just don’t know if I have the patience. I want to feel the love from him all the time not just when we are around each other. Long distance is not easy at all and the old me would have stepped out and cheated on him with this missing emotional connection I feel while he is not around.
As you can imagine some readers reacted strongly to this post. So the poster wrote back and gave more information:
“Yes we have agreed on exclusivity and he is actually extremely jealous so neither one is allowed to keep our options open. We have been talking about marriage so I feel like it’s wrong for me to go out and see other people.
“I’m currently living on the promises that things will change soon as he gets some things done with his business. But also there is the fear of what IF he gets used to me dealing with him this way and things don’t change.”
And to another poster, she responded:
“Thanks for seeing that he really does love me. I have never doubted that he didn’t. The understanding how to accommodate each other is an ongoing process. Maybe I want it to change right away and I’m beating myself up about it because of the inconsistency. My parents are the same way and have been married for over 32 yrs.
“Mom is affectionate and loves attention but dad communicates through telling her but not showing it every day like she wants it. I see through it all and knows that he loves her even though he has never lived up to all her expectations.
“Me and my boyfriend have talked about it and he told me ‘I know you want attention, I’m gonna give it to you that you will get tired of me, just have patience with me and get things done and you will not regret.’
“Those are his exact words. So I can wait for things to get better but fear it may not but I’m just trying to trust him that things will get better. Also keep in mind, I met him when not as an established relaxed business man. I met him when he is currently at his lowest finance wise.
“He is a manly man that wants to do so much for me that he is out making that money. I just want him to realize I am not materialistic and I need my emotions being taken care of than the shopping sprees and what not.
“Also want to add that when we are together, I don’t feel this way. All attention is on me. But I need it more when we are apart and that’s why he is incapable of doing for me now. So I’m waiting but don’t wanna wait in vain. Thanks for your comments.”
The best advice came from this poster, who wrote:
“…’agreed on exclusivity’ Then right, you can’t actually date other men. You can talk with other men and interact according to how comfortable you are, but you’re in an exclusive relationship which you agreed to.
“He says he’s not seeing any women while he’s traveling on business, you have to trust that’s the case. How long has this ‘relationship’ been going on? How many times have you actually been in the physical presence of each other? How much does he call/connect with you? You said what he says in regard to ‘loving’ you, what does he DO to show you he loves you? What actions does he take?”
You’re going to like what happened next. The original poster put pen to paper, which is the thing we preach here at AssetWriter. Sometimes you can improve your situation simply by putting your thought down on paper, or creating a list, etc. The OP wrote this asset below and reported back:
“The relationship has only been 5 months. We started exactly Aug 1st. Before he left for overseas in November, we flew back and forth every two weeks. Of which he spent 2 weeks with me before.
“I normally stay from Thursday until Monday. I call him more than he does. And have long conversation depending on how busy he is. When I first had the communication convo with him, he called me every day then it stopped.
“Considering he is overseas, I have made more calls than he has. He comes back next week. To show how he loves me, first he says it all the time, tell all his friends how wonderful I am, am the second girl he has introduced to his mom according to her and he is a mama’s boy.
“When I’m at his place, he cooks for me, we dine out and love the movies, he loves to have bedroom chat before we go to sleep which seldom consist of how our relationship is going and what we think of how future so far which of course communication issues surfaces but he reminds me that he is trying.
“He never lets me carry anything heavy, he picks up my luggage and haul it for me. He hates that he cannot spend as much as he has spent on past flings on me because he is currently low on funds than normal. He is not ashamed to brag about me to everyone around.
“He calls to talk to my parents sometimes, he advises me and listens attentively when I’m telling him about my day to day issues at the job and passionately hates anyone messing with me but gives me good advice….
“Wow this was therapeutic for me listing all these things. I never even knew he does this much. I’ve been so fixated on negatives not realizing all these positives.
“Hmm… What action does he take? He is the first person that stops everything he is doing when I call him and tell him I’m feeling some type of way. He is quick to say, ‘Do you want to talk about it?’
“That really makes me feel comfortable saying anything to him. Honestly this love had made me act somewhat crazy with some of my questioning and in the past men have left me alone with me acting like that but he totally understands and gets me.”
That must have ended well, don’t you think?
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